The news surrounding Elon Musk’s Neuralink hasn’t been great. Ever since the company launched in 2016 with the promise of revolutionizing the way people interface with computers, they’ve hit hurdle after hurdle — and not just because people are understandably hesitant to stick a MacBook in their brainstem.


For example, back in September, WIRED reported on monkeys that had been implanted with a prototype of the Neuralink. According to the piece, the implantation process resulted in “bloody diarrhea, partial paralysis and cerebral edema, a condition colloquially known as ‘brain swelling’” in some monkeys.



Another, earlier report from Reuters put the total body count of Neuralink tests at around 1,500 animals, “including more than 280 sheep, pigs and monkeys.”


Seeing this, one may think that the risks of having a computer in your brain outweigh the benefits. However, others stood atop the mountain of primate corpses and proclaimed, “Sign me up!”



Per Musk in a post on X/Twitter, “The first human received an implant from @Neuralink yesterday and is recovering well. Initial results show promising neuron spike detection.”


To be clear: We have no idea if this is true. Elon has a tendency to just make shit up, so if it turns out that this was one big ruse to pump the stocks of his other companies, fair play.  



That said, Neuralink was given permission to test the chip on humans by the FDA in May, according to the BBC, and other firms have recently implanted similar devices in humans.


For those who are paralyzed and are looking for any solution to improve their condition, I totally understand the desire for a device like this. But for those of us who are simply too lazy to take our phones out of our pockets to Google something, I think it’s safe to say you’re fine not putting wires in your brain.